Robbie Nicole

I don't talk about it much. I don't cry where anyone can see anymore. I miss her so much it hurts. Everytime I shop and walk past the pink I know that I should be there. Sometimes I wonder if God thought I couldn't handle just one more. People often say when they know im exhausted "can you imagine if it was three"? Oh yes, I imagine it every single minute of every single day. I see the boys smile and wonder what her smile would have looked like, the sound of her laugh. People don't understand that it is not the time in which I had her that matters. My heart knew she was mine. My baby girl. My heart is still broken. I am not saying that I am not happy. My children bring so much joy to heart sometimes I think it may explode. I wake up each morning so thankful for this life. I will just always feel the void. The missing piece. My daughter is missing. I have lost people in my life because I am not healing at the right rate. That I don't see that the world still turns. Right now, for me, the only world is in my home and in the sky. How quickly is a mother supposed to heal from losing her baby? A week, a month, a year? I read blogs, letters, stories, poems from other mothers that are going through the same thing. Its so comforting to know that I am not alone, that my "friend" was wrong.

Mommy will never let you go Robbie. I can't. I don't want to.